Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Feeling emotions.

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Sitting here, as it is nearing midnight, tears are filling my eyes, as I am feeling...emotions. I feel happy, and I feel sad, I can breath, but most importantly, I feel ALIVE. Feelings I do not think I have felt for nearly three years. It has been almost impossible to feel anything but tired, anxious and depressed. It wasn't until last Thursday that I finally discovered why. I was on the wrong antidepressant. As in, oh. so. very. wrong.

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Making the switch has been incredible. I am no longer sleeping almost all day, I am not eating every single feeling, and I can feel every range of emotions, both good and bad, and happy and sad and I am relishing in every single moment. I was able to go outside yesterday and ENJOY my family, I went shopping, on a bike ride and even tried to Rip Stick! Something I haven't been physically able to do. It was like there has been a wall around anything that I enjoyed. If I would sit down to work, leave the house to play with my family or blog, I would be attacked by anxiety, a virtual wall would surround my immediate self and I would freeze. The only place that felt safe was my bed. It has been awful. It has been so very sad.

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Inside my heart and mind I knew what was happening. It was as if I could see from the outside that I was frozen, and I screamed and yelled at this girl to get up and just do it. Be brave...but she couldn't. It was not until last week that I could finally move past the virtual walls around this girl and FREE her. I cry as I write this. I cannot fully tell you how much this change means to me. It is as if I have been dead for three years, and I have been given sweet life again! I am so so so thankful for the health problems that got me to finally go into my doctor and ask for a change. I am thankful my doctor was busy so that I could see a new doctor and she took the time to LISTEN to me, to hear my cries and to offer support in the form of a listening ear, and a willingness to FIX me...not just guess.

I have me back. With that comes ALL of me...even the blogging me. I am SO happy guys. I am SO excited to be back. I have so so so so so much to give, so many many stories to tell. Get ready.

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Friday, January 17, 2014

Dear Tanner,

You don't know me. In fact, you will probably go home and tell your mom and dad about the crazy lady that came into work today. You will probably laugh about me and tell your folks about how out of control my kids were (they were), but I will remember you as one of three people that helped me make it through today, because I needed your kindness more than ever before.

You see Tanner, what the lady standing behind me in line didn't know was that I was at your store to buy scriptures for my daughter who is turning 8 next week. What this lady did not know was that I let my kids run around so that the scriptures would still be a surprise for her on her special day. What she didn't know is that my kids have really long names and when you told me that the names were too long to be engraved on the cover, I almost cried right then and there, because what this huffy puffy lady didn't know is that I was having a really terrible day.

You see, I had to wake my daughter up at 8 a.m. after she had gone to bed at 2 a.m. See, she has never been a good sleeper, and unless she has some warm body to help her fall asleep, it won't happen, and last night it didn't happen. Camilla had an appointment with the doctor because she has been sick for two weeks. I had to sit with Camilla on the dirty bathroom floor at the doctor's office for two hours trying to get her to go to the bathroom in a cup. There was crying and weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and a fair share from Camilla as well. What this lady didn't know is that there was a fear Camilla may have a serious problem (She doesn't thank heavens.) but at that moment as I was trying so hard to get her to go potty that is all I cared about was getting her last test done so we would know. See, I had to drive 30 minutes home just so that I could get half an ounce of pee between three bathroom trips just so that I could turn around and drive that tiny amount of pee 30 minutes back to the doctor's office where we spent another hour waiting for test results. Remember how Camilla had already woken early and had cried for 2 hours? This extra hour was almost more than she could bear.

After her appointment I had to go to the store to pick up a medication for Camilla. A medication that may or may not help her and her issue...so that took us another hour, in that hour she cried and screamed and was so tired that we almost didn't make it out alive, but somehow we did. At least the people in Target didn't look at me and glare at me the way the huffy puffy lady did. Walking into Deseret Book (a store for LDS members where they can buy spiritual clothing, books, scriptures, etc...) should have been a reprieve. I asked Jothan to watch my girls for me so that I could buy the scriptures really fast (and I was really fast!) before Emmaree noticed. But then this lady got behind me losing her shee because I was stumped on how to engrave my daughter's REALLY long name onto her scriptures. I really put this lady out so much that she decided to walk the 50 yards across the store to the other checkout.

Thanks for your patience with me Tanner. Especially after the lady left and the old man came in...and nearly scolded my children in front of my already tear filled eyes. When he put his hand out to stop my little girl from running after her sister, I lost it. What this man didn't know is that last week I had a miscarriage. Of course, how could he know that? No one knew, except very close friends, my husband. Not even my children knew why I was on bed rest for a handful of days. They wondered why I was crying all the time, of course, but I didn't want them to know, and I still don't want them to know, so please don't tell them Tanner. What this old man didn't know was that my testimony of the gospel has been shaken and stirred and tried the last three years more than my little heart can manage, and last week I was praying my brains out and hoping beyond hope that this baby wasn't gone, that somehow my faith and will would align with God's.

What this old man did not know is that sometimes the last place I want to be is somewhere that reminds me how far I feel from my Heavenly Father. What this man didn't know is that his actions made me really question why I would want to be associated with people like him and the huffy puffy lady before him. I am trying to remember though Tanner that it is not the people. It is never the people...it is the gospel. Tanner, thanks for letting me check out as quickly as possible so that I could remove myself from the presence of this man as quickly as possible. Thank you for being so kind to me even after you probably heard my very upset phone call to my husband, distraught because the names wouldn't fit, and because huffy puffy and old man had treated me so unkindly. Thank you for pretending not to hear my overly loud swear words because the only people I wanted to hear them were huffy and old man.

Thanks for pretending I wasn't crying when I finally figured out the engraving and thank you for ignoring my sadness when you told me that the engraving would be an hour and that I would have to come back later and that I would have to drive 40 minutes back to pick up the books because, as you know Tanner, my kids were losing it, and so was I.

I appreciate you.

Much Love,

Kim

P.S. Tanner, after I left your station, I decided to go upstairs and peruse the fabric (with my crazy kids) and your other co-worker was so so nice to me and laughed and giggled at my story of the horrible customers. Tanner, you will NEVER believe that after I spent 5 minutes upstairs and headed out to my car, who was parked next to me! Blue shirted huffy puffy was to my immediate right and old man was parked in front of me. We all left the store at the same exact moment. I cannot believe that my children ruined their day so much, and they were in such a hurry that somehow we all made it out at the same time.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Botox Results Before and After | A Giveaway from Elase of Utah

Remember that one time I went to the amazing Elase of Utah and had BOTOX®?

Well the results are in!

Here are my before photos:
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Here are my after photos:
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This was me trying to express with all of my might. As you can see in the photos I can still express myself, but my muscles are not over working like you can see in the before photos. I am especially happy with the almost non existent wrinkling on my upper forehead.

I tried very hard to pay close attention to how I felt after my last treatment. Around day 2 my forehead area started to feel really "heavy" meaning I was very aware of it. Full effects of the procedure took place around day 10. The area on my forehead where I had JUVÉDERM® was not sensitive at all, but my lips were sensitive for about three days. Both are very subtle and I love the results.

I would definitely recommend BOTOX®  and JUVÉDERM® and plan to do both again in the future.

To schedule your free consultation, contact Elase today! What have you got to lose except for your scowl?

Now for a VERY generous giveaway. My dear friends at Elase are giving away, get this:

20 units of BOTOX®!

Friends, this is unheard of and I feel so grateful to be the one to offer this to you.

Enter below:a Rafflecopter giveaway To schedule your free consultation, contact Elase today! What have you got to lose except for your scowl?

***Disclaimer: For the next month I will be blogging about my experience with Elase Medical Spas. While I am receiving treatments in return for my opinion about my experience, please be assured they are my own and I have chosen to be very choosy about the things I share with my readers, and any and all opinions I have about Elase and my experiences will be my own. I have chosen to work with Elase because I believe it can benefit so many of us who may be curious about a medical spa but may not feel comfortable approaching one on their own. I hope to change those feelings. Let's take care of ourselves and treat ourselves!***

Friday, November 15, 2013

Just a glimpse.

This week I had a most amazing gift. For four whole hours, I was free of depression, stress, guilt, worry, STRESS, and every other little bitty thing that keeps me down. I was able to stay dressed an entire day. I was able to smile, LAUGH, B R E A T H E.

I basked in it. I kept breathing in, pinching myself. It was as if the weight of the entire world was off of my shoulders and I could feel ME.

I am not sure why I was given the trial of depression, of anxiety...but for whatever reason I was, and I long for it always. It was a reprieve of nearly years of heaviness. It is not something I can just turn on and off, oh how I wish I could!

I hope for a day when I no longer have to be tormented by this excruciating weight...but if I must, I will continue to hope for another day like Tuesday afternoon. The day when the sun shone, and I could pierce past this world of sorrow and sadness and grief, and see my beautiful soul.


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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

BOTOX® and JUVÉDERM® | Elase Medical Spas

When I first decided to have Elase Medical Spas give me BOTOX® , I never thought I would love it so much that I would want to do it again, but I did!

This time I took my awesome brother Marcus along to help capture it all for you. Marcus also happens to be one of my photography students, and he did an amazing job, so again, many thanks Marcus from me and from Elase Medical Spas.

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Isn't Elase so beautiful? Every time I go to Elase it feels like, well a trip to the spa! It feels like home. Everything is so fresh and clean and every single employee is so friendly. My favorite is walking in, and I hear, "Hi Kim!" It is almost like a 2013 version of Cheers, except I am Norm.

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Here I am ready to consult with Shari, my injector.

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Shari is model gorgeous, and the nicest and smartest woman you will ever ever meet. I just adore her. Here we are consulting about what I hope to accomplish. My first visit I was so nervous that I asked for the bare minimum (which I loved) here I am saying, "Give me what you got!" (With a little more proper English.)

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After discussing what I wanted, we compared to what we did the first time, and decided to go about twice as much on my upper forehead as we did the first time, and to hit my "grouch lines" as I call them, right between they eyes.

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I also have this wicked awesome scar on my forehead from where my 5 or 6 year old self went head first into the handlebars of a three wheeler when we were snow tubing with my family.

On my first visit, Shari and I discussed using JUVÉDERM® to fill in that little area of my forehead. This is where we began.

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Here Shari is putting the JUVÉDERM® in with the tiniest needle ever. (The needles she uses are the same size as an insulin needle. The needle on the left is the one she uses, the needle on the right is the size the JUVÉDERM® comes in.) it did not hurt in the slightest.

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Shari was just ooohing and awwing and I couldn't wait to see for myself. Even my brother was impressed with how JUVÉDERM® just pumped out that little scar.

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While nothing can be done about the lighter discoloration of the scar except for makeup, you can see here how the divot of the scar is virtually gone.

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Me in love with the results of the JUVÉDERM®...my face looks so gross this close up.

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Onto my BOTOX® before and after. My grouch lines are above and my worry lines below. Shari says my muscles are really strong, so it took a bit of BOTOX® to freeze them up.

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A little prep.

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I wanted to pay VERY close attention to how it FELT to have BOTOX®. I wanted to be able to describe it to you, and the best thing Shari and I could come up with is that, at least for me, it doesn't hurt, but feels more like an annoying mosquito bite.

I almost feel weird mentioning this next bit because you would not understand what I mean unless and until you have it done for yourself, but it almost feels like it crunches when it goes in. Like the way your teeth feel biting into a chip? It doesn't hurt, that is just the only way I know how to describe it. 

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Some people bleed a little, some don't. I am a little bit of a bleeder. No big deal. Shari just applied some pressure. I hope this doesn't make anyone pass out! SO worth a little bit of blood to rid myself of these gross lines.

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Let's get rid of those forehead lines!

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After the BOTOX® treatment was done we had a bit of JUVÉDERM® left, so Shari talked me into putting a tiny little pout in my lips. I will not lie, this hurt a bit. The reason for this is that our lips have many, many more nerve endings. I have a high tolerance for pain, and luckily JUVÉDERM® has a numbing agent in it to help ease this pain. The pain only lasted as while she was injecting, with just a mild sensitivity for the next day or so.

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A little bit of blood.

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My cute little pout is complete! I LOVE IT. Oh my goodness I love it. JUVÉDERM® lasts anywhere from 6 months to a year, and longer the more treatments you have.

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Love cute little Shari! Thank you SO much!

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Now, all of you have been wondering, "Yes it is awesome, but HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?!" There is no straight forward answer since everyone is different, everyone's needs and desires will be different. Remember I mentioned I have strong facial muscles? You may not. Your best bet will be to call Elase, and schedule a free consulation.

Plans however, start at $69 a month.

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Here I am 20 minutes after my appointment. The redness is gone, and as you can see no bruising, or signs that I had anything done, other than my AMAZING lips.

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Come back next Monday to see my results. I PROMISE you won't want to miss it. Rumor has it I may be giving away some BOTOX® love.


Check out Elase Medical Spa's website for more information on membership fees for BOTOX® and their other amazing services!

***Disclaimer: For the next month I will be blogging about my experience with Elase Medical Spas. While I am receiving treatments in return for my opinion about my experience, please be assured they are my own and I have chosen to be very choosy about the things I share with my readers, and any and all opinions I have about Elase and my experiences will be my own. I have chosen to work with Elase because I believe it can benefit so many of us who may be curious about a medical spa but may not feel comfortable approaching one on their own. I hope to change those feelings. Let's take care of ourselves and treat ourselves!***