Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Feeling emotions.

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Sitting here, as it is nearing midnight, tears are filling my eyes, as I am feeling...emotions. I feel happy, and I feel sad, I can breath, but most importantly, I feel ALIVE. Feelings I do not think I have felt for nearly three years. It has been almost impossible to feel anything but tired, anxious and depressed. It wasn't until last Thursday that I finally discovered why. I was on the wrong antidepressant. As in, oh. so. very. wrong.

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Making the switch has been incredible. I am no longer sleeping almost all day, I am not eating every single feeling, and I can feel every range of emotions, both good and bad, and happy and sad and I am relishing in every single moment. I was able to go outside yesterday and ENJOY my family, I went shopping, on a bike ride and even tried to Rip Stick! Something I haven't been physically able to do. It was like there has been a wall around anything that I enjoyed. If I would sit down to work, leave the house to play with my family or blog, I would be attacked by anxiety, a virtual wall would surround my immediate self and I would freeze. The only place that felt safe was my bed. It has been awful. It has been so very sad.

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Inside my heart and mind I knew what was happening. It was as if I could see from the outside that I was frozen, and I screamed and yelled at this girl to get up and just do it. Be brave...but she couldn't. It was not until last week that I could finally move past the virtual walls around this girl and FREE her. I cry as I write this. I cannot fully tell you how much this change means to me. It is as if I have been dead for three years, and I have been given sweet life again! I am so so so thankful for the health problems that got me to finally go into my doctor and ask for a change. I am thankful my doctor was busy so that I could see a new doctor and she took the time to LISTEN to me, to hear my cries and to offer support in the form of a listening ear, and a willingness to FIX me...not just guess.

I have me back. With that comes ALL of me...even the blogging me. I am SO happy guys. I am SO excited to be back. I have so so so so so much to give, so many many stories to tell. Get ready.

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6 comments:

Emily said...

Welcome back, my friend. I have missed you.

moosh in indy. said...

xoxo all the million times over.

Holly said...

Joy! What a beautiful new beginning during this spring and Easter.

Dawn Fellows said...

I'm so glad you've found answers! Welcome back! Its good to see you :)

LoveYaMissYa said...

I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I've missed you! I think about you and back in the day ALL the time! Love you lots! Oh and you make the most beautiful children...just in case you forgot!

Katie said...

This is great news! So, so happy for you.